02 December, 2006
13 October, 2006
Pregnancy
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retails tores, a townhouse, a beach front villa and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a$4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and$2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places ahand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again"
13 September, 2006
Politics!
DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.You feel guilty for being successful.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.The government seizes both and provides you with milk.You wait in line for hours to get it.It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts, stating that you have downsized and are reducing expenses.Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.You go on strike because you want three cows.You go to lunch and drink wine.Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.You break for lunch.Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You have some vodka.You count them and learn you have five cows.You have some more vodka.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.They go into hiding.They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.The cow is schizophrenic.Sometimes, the cow thinks he's French; other times, he's Flemish.The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.The cow asks permission to be cut in half.The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.Everyone votes for the best-looking one.Some of the people who actually like the brown one best, accidentally vote for the black one.Some people vote for both.Some people vote for neither.Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.They make real California cheese.Only five speak English.Most are illegals.
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.You feel guilty for being successful.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.The government seizes both and provides you with milk.You wait in line for hours to get it.It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts, stating that you have downsized and are reducing expenses.Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.You go on strike because you want three cows.You go to lunch and drink wine.Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.You break for lunch.Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You have some vodka.You count them and learn you have five cows.You have some more vodka.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.They go into hiding.They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.The cow is schizophrenic.Sometimes, the cow thinks he's French; other times, he's Flemish.The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.The cow asks permission to be cut in half.The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.Everyone votes for the best-looking one.Some of the people who actually like the brown one best, accidentally vote for the black one.Some people vote for both.Some people vote for neither.Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.They make real California cheese.Only five speak English.Most are illegals.
07 February, 2006
New Computer
So, I did manage to get a new computer system over the holiday season:
Shuttle XPC SN25P
AMD Athlon x2 3800+
nVIDIA GeForce 7800GTX OC
2GB Corsair ValueSelect RAM
500GB Seagate Barracuda 7200.9 HDD <-- this thing is loud..is it meant to be so?!
Along with my new Belinea 20" WideScreen LCD..everything rocks and is as it should be. I also have the Logitech G15 keyboard and the G7 mouse, both rock and are highly reccommended.
I also recently received an XBOX360 Premium as a gift, I managed to pick up Condemned: Criminal origins and PGR3 with JadeEmpire too. I use the VGA Cable to connect to my LCD, there are several issues with this none which can be solved by myself, it's all up to Microsoft.
1) Contrast - this is not normal, it is too high or something, colors aren't very colourful :)
2) Size - Surely you can support a proper 16:10 resolution? They have 1280x768 but not 1280x800 so my cars are all stretched!
Shuttle XPC SN25P
AMD Athlon x2 3800+
nVIDIA GeForce 7800GTX OC
2GB Corsair ValueSelect RAM
500GB Seagate Barracuda 7200.9 HDD <-- this thing is loud..is it meant to be so?!
Along with my new Belinea 20" WideScreen LCD..everything rocks and is as it should be. I also have the Logitech G15 keyboard and the G7 mouse, both rock and are highly reccommended.
I also recently received an XBOX360 Premium as a gift, I managed to pick up Condemned: Criminal origins and PGR3 with JadeEmpire too. I use the VGA Cable to connect to my LCD, there are several issues with this none which can be solved by myself, it's all up to Microsoft.
1) Contrast - this is not normal, it is too high or something, colors aren't very colourful :)
2) Size - Surely you can support a proper 16:10 resolution? They have 1280x768 but not 1280x800 so my cars are all stretched!
Routines
Weekday:
8am: Continuous alarm rings or pleasant music from the alarm music player, followed by throwing of the objects closest to the bed and/or smashing on top of with hand
8:10 Further alarms, repent with smashing on top of with hand
8:20 Alarm won't stop fucking with me, I unplug the power and go back to sleep
8:30 The alarm next to the bed goes off, Classical radio turns on and the signal is scrambled. Jammed with hand(s)
8:40 Finally time to get up. Shower!
9:10 Breakfast
9:40 Time to stop chatting on IRC and dress up
9:41 Leave for work
9:42 Stuck in traffic
11:00 late to work by one hour, heads roll
Weekend:
Sleep.
Wake up because of weekly cycle messing with your brain. Biological clock resumes order but go to sleep. Wake up 6 hours later with headache.
8am: Continuous alarm rings or pleasant music from the alarm music player, followed by throwing of the objects closest to the bed and/or smashing on top of with hand
8:10 Further alarms, repent with smashing on top of with hand
8:20 Alarm won't stop fucking with me, I unplug the power and go back to sleep
8:30 The alarm next to the bed goes off, Classical radio turns on and the signal is scrambled. Jammed with hand(s)
8:40 Finally time to get up. Shower!
9:10 Breakfast
9:40 Time to stop chatting on IRC and dress up
9:41 Leave for work
9:42 Stuck in traffic
11:00 late to work by one hour, heads roll
Weekend:
Sleep.
Wake up because of weekly cycle messing with your brain. Biological clock resumes order but go to sleep. Wake up 6 hours later with headache.
06 January, 2006
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